party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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