i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
