we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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