I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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