I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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