So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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