I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
