Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Operation Purity has been aborted
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
