I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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