If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
