Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
someone owes me an orgasm
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
