East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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