I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
