did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
