He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just high enough for therapy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
tell me about the eggs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
