so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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