Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this just has baby written all over it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
