just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
