Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
