i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
