my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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