doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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