Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
