Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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