we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
40s are totally the cure
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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