Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
