It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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