i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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