he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
