I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
