apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
