K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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