So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
