Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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