You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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