I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
