I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
