Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
