You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
