Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
FUCK WHALES
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
