Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
