I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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