we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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