just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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