I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol