whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.