Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.