I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know