I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.