let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.