Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
