last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
