i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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