She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
