speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
