yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
...so i touched it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
