I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
