I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
