Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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