i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
