I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
