Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
