I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize