Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
