remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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