He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
