for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
